We'll all float on Ok...

I don't seem to know who I am anymore. Not so long ago I felt like I had it all figured out.  I'm a mom.  I'm a runner.  I'm a teacher.  I'm a friend.  Things were going well.  I had a wonderful new daughter, two amazing boys, and a fantastic support system of friends and family.  I literally had no complaints and was perfectly content any happy. And then I broke...again. This wasn't like the first time I felt that I had broke, when my dad had died.  When that happened I feel apart all at once so it was almost easier to out myself back together.  The pieces were right there and easier to find, not scattered over space and time. I wish I could say I knew the exact moment that it happened, but really it was a series of events that started small,...

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Processing

It's been a while since I have written anything.  Life has been busy, and wonderful, and messy and excruciating all at the same time.  But that's usually how life is; the good with the bad, the best with the worst. As the weather gets warmer I tend to spend most of my time outside, soaking up the sunshine, recharging my batteries, and just letting my mind wander to the tune of a gentle breeze and warmth on my face.  Lately my mind has been drifting more and more to the relationships in my life; friends, foes, loves, lovers, children, colleagues, etc, and how some stay and some go. Recently, I lost a friend.  I'll save you...

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I am not alone

The other morning I decided to go for another run.  I stuck to my neighborhood because the gym was closed for the holiday.  I thought it might be fun to take the boys with me because they love to run and are constantly running EVERYWHERE!  Of course, they didn't want to run today so after 15 minutes of a failed attempt we went to the park instead. By the time I finally got us home, it has started to rain.  Now, I was not only annoyed, I was frustrated.  This was only my second day running, and I was not going to run in the rain.  I got home in a bad mood and set the boys up with their snack and a movie while I wallowed.  Sensing my bad mood, the husband spoke up:                          ...

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A Pat on the Back

I know my last post was all about me trying to figure out who I am and also make sure I am doing things to better myself.  I promise, as much as I can, I have been actively trying.  I think a lot of the time I tend to spend most of my time talking about my kids because I have never been that confident in myself.  I don't like talking about myself, and I rarely enjoy attention.  But for once, without any shame (or dignity for that matter) I will be talking about me, and some important changes and accomplishments I have made. Last summer I was going to the gym pretty regularly and kinda enjoyed it.  I made some strides, but really wasn't taking it to seriously.  Once the school year started, though, I was a goner. This school year was really trying and between...

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What Happened to ME?

When I started (or I guess restarted as I've had about 6-7 blogs prior to this one) this blog the whole idea behind it was to document my road to becoming a "better person".  There were things about myself and my life that I knew I wanted to change, but had no real motivation (for lack of a better word) to do it.  Then suddenly, most of my posts became about my kids.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and most days they are my reason for waking up every morning, but I am beginning to wonder when did I stop thinking about me? I know that sounds like a selfish question.  Think about me?  Who has time for that?  I work full time at an inner city elementary school in Baltimore so for 8 hours a day the livelihood of 25 kindergartners is in my hands.  When...

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No Regrets

Each year I try and come up with a few (dozen) New Year's resolutions, and every year I fail miserably when trying to follow them.  Maybe it's because I know that 7 million other people are making the same exact ones (eat healthier, exercise more, yell at the kids less).  I don't know.  The point is that this year I am only going to make one resolution: no regrets.  I have spent so many years regretting almost every decision I have made and I realize this is a giant waste of my time.  No matter what choice I made I always figured that it was the wrong one, that maybe the grass was greener on the other side of the fence.  Then I worry and complain and whine because yet again I didn't get my way (when in fact, that's exactly what I got). I came up with this resolution...

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